MANY WORLDS ( February 2002)

Latest Thoughts

In my CD player
Sarah Vaughan
Betty Carter
Billy Holiday
Sheila Jordan

In my VCR
"Moulin Rouge"
"America's Sweethearts"

Reading
"Dreamcatcher" - Stephen King
"Misconceptions" - Naomi Woolf

I was on my way back Upstate - coming from New York City, after a few days of recording. It was twilight (about 6-ish), when I stopped at a gas station on Rte. 17 in New Jersey. It's a very busy highway, especially at that time on a weekday.

After the attendant pumped my gas, he came to my window with the receipt. I reached out to take it and he yanked it away just as I did. I looked up and saw this statuesque, beautifully sculpted Nigerian man, whose smile outshone the flourescent light halo above his head. He asked me rather boldly, "Where ARE you?!" I said, "Excuse me?" "Where ARE you?", he repeated. "I have beeeeen stand-eeng here for twoo....maybe treeee minutes", he continued, "...and where ARE you? You are nawt hee-ah..." waving his finger at me, obviously delighted at his observation. I didn't quite know how to respond, so I laughed and told him I was preoccupied but that I was "back" now. He said, "NO. You are hee-ah PHEESIKLY, but you are NAWT hee-ah MENT-AHLLY." He smiled at this, letting me off the hook. I laughed again and he said, "as long as whay-ah you have beeen, is POSITEEF." Then he beamed like an angel and gave me my receipt.

As I drove away, I thought about "where" I actually was as he was pumping my gas. I had been looking out at Rte. 17, at all the cars going past at 65 miles per hour. I had been counting the SUV's and wondering what the owners' suburban homes looked like and why they had to get home so quickly. Did they have to cook dinner or maybe pick up the kids from intramural gymnastics? I had been thinking that we move so .............fast. We move fast, so we can earn more, so we can drive SUV's, so we can get to where we're going faster, so we can earn more. I had been thinking that we move too fast to see our present or properly hope for a future.

It wasn't terribly "positeef." My gas station attendant seemed like the wisest man in the world at that moment.

I am playing guitar. I still have no feeling in the tip of that finger,(or on the side of it for that matter), but I am recording guitar nonetheless. I haven't performed live for a very long time and I haven't sung and played guitar for a long time. I'm just getting back into it now. I've wondered if I should start playing impromptu sets around NY, just to get a feel for it again. But there doesn't seem to be the time just yet.

I am consumed with the artwork for this CD. I cannot get the ACTUAL cover photo I want because I'd have to .....well.......DIE in order to get the shot. So I need to figure out a way to accomplish this image in other ways. No small task. I was so happy (no pun), with the artwork for Many Worlds. That was done by an artist named Auriea Harvey. I find that the less I have to do with the artwork, the better it comes out. So I need to find yet another artist who is living on the edge - someone who is part roses and part brambles. I need to find a visionary who can feel comfortable in the darkness.

I also need some musicians. I need someone who is solid on the acoustic guitar and simple electric. I'm always looking for people who play "unusual" instruments. In the case of this album, I've been trying to find people who play bassoon, tuba, digeridoo-like instruments, etc. I can produce these easily with a synth or sampler. That's what I do. But this album is different. This one will sound better than anything I've ever done. Whether you like the compositions or not, this will "sound" different.
I wonder....while I'm on the subject.....how many of you would rather hear me go "harder" or "softer" in my music. Would you rather I go more "acoustic and live" or more "crunchy and electric" or more "electronic and spacey?" I will still do exactly what I need to do in any given moment, but it is SO fascinating to me to learn about other people's sensibilities. If you have any thoughts about the subject, why don't you write to me? Ken Osterhaudt accepts all emails regarding business and passes on all emails regarding music or personal questions. So fear not, curious peeps.

In closing, thank you all from the bottom of my finger. You have all come to my aide in my time of need. SOME of you have apparently re-mortgaged your homes in order to send me a donation. While it makes me squirm with the guilt of my childhood-imposed unworthiness, I am still so grateful. I need you all to know something. I do what I do because of a deep need that we won't mention here and because you've accepted me. I don't do it for money(if you saw my home and my cupboard, you'd know that), and I don't do it for hopes of fame or grandeur. Fame and grandeur are never ruled out but I know they're not what's really going on. I've mentioned before that I don't really know how long I'm going to want to do this...that is, make music. It's not as easy for me anymore for some reason. I cannot really put my finger on it. But I know that I still have a few things left to express. I imagine it will take at least another decade to express them.
It's funny how I used to joke about Kate and Peter (you all know who I mean), taking such LONG breaks between album projects. Now I understand how that can happen. I wonder now........did Kate ever worry about not being able to pay her rent? Probably............. Right?
"Well..." as the Chancellor Gorkon would say, "....I see we have a LONG way to go."

Many Worlds Archive